Monday, October 31, 2011

Finding Out I'm Pregnant with baby #2

So, here is the story. For posterity and all you other crazy baby-related story lovers out there. If you don't want to hear a few "female" explanations, you should check out now. This is your warning.

So. I chart my cycles. Using the Fertility Awareness Method. Google it if you don't know what that is. Or go to (I love that site.) And no, its NOT the rhythm method, in case anyone thinks so. We're pretty "careful." I have been working on getting some medical stuff done to figure out why I am so exhausted all the time. (See a previous post somewhere about this.) I always call it "chronic fatigue" because i don't know how else to describe it. Anyway. Because I am SO tired all the time, I have not been thinking about having another child, at LEAST until IF/WHEN we figured out why I'm so tired all.the.time AND had a fix for it. Also, we have no maternity health insurance. (Which means, a pregnancy/birth would not be eligible for health insurance coverage.) If you don't know, pregnancies/births are EX.PEN.SIVE. Even low risk/minimally intervened-with ones. So, all around, not on our "any time remotely soon" agenda.

Anyway. This was a weird charting month for me. I won't go into details here, in case I would gross anyone out. But...if you're a charting nerd like me, and want details, I'll be happy to explain it to you. But lets just say, we took precautions and on top of that, looking at my chart and knowing everything about the month would in no way make you think conception was really "possible." (Except the God factor.)

Hahaha. of the weird month (sorry, this is so vague and will now become harder to explain from here), I wasn't entirely sure "where I was at" toward the end of my cycle. I knew kind of approximately, but not within a day like I normally do. So I took my waking temps a lot more than I normally do, to try to get a better indicator of when my cycle would be ending. waking body temperature spiked way higher than I had ever seen it go before. Two mornings in a row. And I wasn't entirely sure where I was at...but I knew I should be wrapping up my cycle....except my temps were freakishly high, I was going Triphasic, my overall length of cycle was longer than it ever had been for the past several months, and I was just sick of guessing when I should start my next cycle. And, Oliver had been acting really clingy and strange about nursing the last few days. Like, terrified, almost, to unlatch and get out of my lap. Bizarre. I know kids often cycle into days or weeks of differing behaviors, but this was one more thing that was just weird to me. (He might be able to sense a change in my milk.)

I really can't explain too well more than that why I decided to test. It was just a weird month, and I wanted to know what was up. Because I was sick of thinking about the "what if." So, when I went to CVS on Saturday for my weekly coupon run, I decided to get a pg. test. Except, the whole time I was in there doing the rest of my shopping, I went back and I buy one? Do I not buy one? Back. and. forth. It was the last item I picked up.

With Oliver, I used the "Answer" brand test, but this time, I bought a "First Response" test. Why did I change brands? (Like you care.) Well, for one, this one said on the box "test 6 days sooner" whereas the Answer brand said "test 5 days sooner." And because i wanted to QUIT THINKING ABOUT IT, I just wanted to rule out ANY possibility, and get an answer as soon as possible. And, the F.R. was a 3 pack, and the Answer was a 2 pack. And I weirdly thought, "if something like this ever happens again, I'll have a couple extra, instead of one extra." Really, that was the least explainable part of it. I don't know. Lol. Anyway.

So, I pay for all my stuff. And I feel really awkward, because I go into this CVS every week, and I'm like, great, the cashier is going to see me in here all the time and either think I'm pregnant or not pregnant (I don't know how to explain this, lol), and just be weird. Anyway. So, I paid for my stuff, put my shopping cart away at the front entrance, and circled back into the store. Lol. I was hoping the lady who rang me up didn't see me again, because FREAK! Coming back into the store after she just paid for her stuff. Lol. So, I go into the bathroom. Thankfully, a single stall. I take take the pregnancy test.

I have to back up for a minute.

So I told you about the brand I used for Oliver vs. the brand I tested with this time. Even though they look identical (they are pink dye, 1 or 2 line tests), apparently, they function a little differently.

I'm about to talk about pee, now, so if you need to stop reading, go ahead.

With the Answer brand, you pee on the absorbant stick, you see the pee soak up to the window, you see it touch the first line (which is the PREGNANT line), and the color appears IMMEDIATELY if you're pregnant. (So, with Oliver, I knew as soon as the pee hit that first line I was pg, before it even got to the CONTROL line (the one that shoes up whether you're pregnant or not) because it pinked up instantly. And then, as soon as the pee hit the CONTROL line, it pinks up immediately, too.

With this brand, the First Response, apparently, NEITHER line will pink up as soon as the pee hits it. Except, you don't know that until you're using it. hehe.

Ok, so I pee on the test. I'm sitting there, watching it. I see the pee hit the viewing window. Then I see the pee soak into the spot where the PREGNANT line should be. Nothing shows up. I breathe a sigh of relief. (Remember, I'm thinking the test will react the same way as the brand I used with Oliver.) The pee moves on. It soaks into the area the CONTROL line should be. Except the CONTROL line doesn't pink up, either.

Sweet fancy moses. I suddenly realize that I'm not out of the woods yet. I see pink in neither place, which means one or both are going to take time to pink up. These seconds feel like days. I know this all took less than 60 seconds. Or it couldn't have been much more than that, at all. So, when color starts to come into a pregnancy test, you just can't explain what its like unless you've watched one turn. You see something, but you're not sure what. Evaporation lines, maybe? Then, maybe color? Or is that just soaking into a line, and not actually color? Except then BOTH lines were DEFINITELY pink at the exact same time. And they just keep getting pinker. I keep watching as they turn Fuschia. I keep looking, thinking I'm seeing things. Or maybe they'll somehow turn un-pink. Lol. I don't know. Some part of me was like "I knew it." and Some part of me was like, "....WHAT? HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?"

So I stand up. I get my phone out of my purse. I have to call my person. I call Katherine. She doesn't answer. I decide there is no option but for her to pick up the phone, or I might go postal, so I call her again.

She answers this time.

Let me back up for a minute. Like, a week before, on facebook, I had "liked" a friend's sonogram photo, and it showed up in Katherine's newsfeed with my name associated with it. At first glance, before processing, she thinks its MY sonogram picture. So, she emails me a funny email about seeing what she saw and how she was freaking out, etc. So I told her, "Thats really funny. But trust me, you'd know WAYYYYYYYYYY before Facebook."

So...back to Katherine answering her phone. She sounds ....rushed or something. I say, "Are you OK?" She says yes, but shes getting ready to leave (I think.) I think I say something like "Ok, we'll I'm make this fast made a mistake (meaning WHOOPSING on my "carefulness" or something) know WAY before facebook."

She sits there for a minute and doesn't say anything. I wonder if she heard me, or if she gets the reference. And then she says, "....No...........No....."


so then I don't remember exactly everything after that. Except we establish that I'm the CVS bathroom, lol, I just tested, I haven't even flushed the toilet yet, so I flush the toilet so she can hear I really am in the CVS bathroom (LOL!) and I don't know what else. Oh, so I'm totally freaking out, and shes like "Everythings going to be fine." and I'm like "I DON'T EVEN HAVE MATERNITY COVERAGE." And shes like, "I've got some!" And I'm like "Oh, thanks, are you going to share it with me, lol?" I still have no idea what she was talking about. lol Anyway. We talk. I'm pacing the bathroom. I start to realize, maybe someone can hear me outside the bathroom. FREAK! Lol. And I've been in there kind of for a while. And the walls are closing in and I have to move. So we hang up.

As I open the bathroom door, I am hoping that no one is standing outside the door wondering what in the world is going on in there. Lol. Thankfully, no one was there, and I leave without anyone seeing me (I think).

I drive home to tell Andrew. I was supposed to go to Target first, and get Sbux for Andrew, and I thought about getting one of those "Big Brother" shirts for Oliver to put on him to "tell" andrew that way....but I determine I'm WAY too excited to wait, AND, Oliver is napping and I'd have to wait until he was up from his nap. So I call Andrew and tell him I don't feel like going to Target, but that I got him something instead of Starbucks. Heheh. Hes like, what is it? I'm like, its a surprise, but you're going to like it way better than Starbucks, I promise.

Anyway, so I get home, go upstairs to set my stuff down, come back downstairs with the test in my back pocket. Andrew is working at his desk, and I just hand him the pregnancy test, and hes like "You're pregnant?! WHY ARE YOU PREGNANT?"

LOL. Because he had NO. CLUE. that I thought this month was "weird" or that I might even possibly be pregnant. Anyway. So, the conversation went from there, he was SUPER excited and floored. I video taped the sound of me telling him, but that is for the private collection. Its pretty great. I'm glad we have it!

ETA: Even though I'm not entirely sure of dates, I feel pretty confident with July 8th being my 40 week guess date, once I went back and re-examined things.

I found out I was pg. on Sat. the 29th of Oct., at 3PM 13 DPO or 3 weeks and 6 days pg.

Monday, September 5, 2011

This world has nothing for me...and this world has everything...

I am kind of addicted to reading birth stories. Seriously. Its kind of out of control.

Also, I really like to give unsolicited advice. Lol. It is true. I mean, its not the unsolicited part that I actually *enjoy*.....(in fact, it sometimes kind of makes me cringe b/c I really don't want to come across as THAT girl, even though I probably am A. LOT.) ...its just...I'm all over sharing things with people, when it comes to a subject I'm really passionate know...babies and stuff, for one. (ok, who am I kidding...for fifty.) Because I get really excited...and, when I believe in something I'm really happy to "spread the wealth."

Ugh. Such a lame-o blog post. Who writes this stuff?

This world is full of heartaches. I am thankful for all of my many blessings. The greatest of which is my Lord and Savior being my constant -- He will never leave me or forsake me, even in the midst of suffering or even death. If you don't know Him, I'll be glad to tell you about Him.

(P.S....this is NOT a cryptic message about me having a life-threatening illness or anything strange.)

HT: some old school Caedmon's Call

Friday, August 26, 2011

Parenthood: its a wild ride

Today I found out a dear friend is expecting her first baby. Also, I am slightly obsessed with the Hallmark Fresh Ink Cards (the square ones) that are funny. So tonight, I picked up the following card to send to her. (I'm also including what I'm writing in it - I'm sure you'll figure it out.)

(On the front, with a picture of a bull)




Welcome to parenthood, which is pretty much exactly like this...but with more breastfeeding.

I'm pretty sure she'll think its hilarious. I do, of course. Is it just me (us?)

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Full circle...kind of.

When I first moved to Jackson, I nannied for a toddler named Mary Ellis. She was ah. dor. uh. bull. Anyway, when we'd go to Target, she'd say and sign 'ball' at the red balls outside the front doors. Just about every time I've gone to Target since then, I think of it. Its fun that now I have a child that does the same thing.

I let Oliver try Pop-Rocks tonight, and he LOVES them. It is so funny to me, because I was scared to DEATH of the things until I was basically a teenager. Lol. (And no, candy is not a norm for Oliver.)

Around 3 years ago this week-ish, I got pregnant with Oliver. So, I've technically been a mom for 3 years, now.

I should blog

7 months? Really, Dena?

Andrew got the pastor job in KC. Its awesome to be back. We are blessed.

Oliver is 27 1/2 months old. Or, as Andrew told me today when he asked me how old he (Oliver) was, so he could write it on his growth chart when he measured him, "No." Ok, so excuse me, he is 2 years and 3 1/2 months old.

Where has the summer gone?

I coupon now. Its kind of consuming.

I'm going to see a an integrative-medicine specialist in a few weeks, here, that will hopefully find something wrong with me. You know, because, my whole life, (and you've seen it on my blog) I've been telling you that I'm insanely tired/sleepy/sickly, and you're always, "suck it up, Dena?" Yeah. I'm so over being tired/sleepy/sickly all the time. 28 years is plenty. And being a mom while constantly being those things - I'm so over it. (those other things..not the mom part.) I'm hopeful that we will figure out what it is, whether it is a food intolerance (gluten?), hormonal imbalance or something else, and that it will be FIXABLE. Cause, really, I am ready to be LIVING and not just SURVIVING. More than ready.

I'm really opinionated and passionate about the things I believe in. But really, if you're not, what is the point in having convictions, you know? I probably step on a lot of people's toes. But, I'm mostly ok with that. Unless I'm doing something that is truly un-Christian. But mostly, I think our culture does a really good job of just not speaking up about stuff because we might hurt someone's feelings or something. Which really isn't helping anyone. If you bring up a mommy issue (birth/breastfeeding, etc) issue or maybe even an issue about religion, I'm probably going to give you my opinion, whether you asked for it or not.

I am thankful for friends who listen and who are understanding.

I love Oliver. He is still nursing. (I used the word "still", I don't know why. It conveys a sense of "oh my stars. are you kidding me?!" that I don't intend.) Anyway, back to Oliver. He is in his terrible twos. Which I feel terrible even saying. But it is true. That kid is out of one thing and into sixteen. Or actually, hes still into one thing while hes getting into 32 others. It is amazing.

I am still amazed at people having toddlers and the like and having more babies (on purpose). Now, because I am a Christian and believe children are a blessing from the LORD, I am in a minority here. How can I be amazed when people do this and still believe that? I'm hoping its largely because I'm so exhausted and stressed (from the exhaustion, which compounds normal life hardships, I'm assuming) all the time, the thought of having more children really makes me feel like I'd lose my marbles.

I don't think I'm type A, but I am still always frazzled because I am always behind in things I need to be getting done. Does that mean I'm type A after all? Does type A really exist?

I like reading blogs. Mine is boring. Write me a comment to let me know you're out there. (Hi, katherine. marci? morgan? *crickets * )

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Shutterfly-ing again!

Striking Damask Print Thank You 5x7 folded card
Create personalized greeting cards and invitations by Shutterfly.
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Saturday, January 15, 2011

Random Thoughts

You have no idea how many saved and unposted blog entries I have.

Songs and smells bring me back to specific memories/points in time throughout the years.

Tonight, at dinner, Paula Abdul's "Rush Rush" played, and all I could think of was being at Skate World during elementary school and hearing that play during Couple's Skate. How bizarre is that? I haven't thought of/heard that song in who knows how long, and I never consciously made that connection before. But apparently it is engrained in my memory somewhere.

To this day, when I smell Softsoap's classic scent (the clear liquid soap), I am right back at Trinity International University visiting Andrew at undergrad there when we dated, washing my hands in Mary and Laura's dorm room (which is who I stayed with there). That was more than 8 years ago. They had that soap, and that's all I ever think about when I wash my hands with that soap, now.

What are some of your smell/song connections?