Finding Out I'm Pregnant with baby #2

So, here is the story. For posterity and all you other crazy baby-related story lovers out there. If you don't want to hear a few "female" explanations, you should check out now. This is your warning.













So. I chart my cycles. Using the Fertility Awareness Method. Google it if you don't know what that is. Or go to www.ovusoft.com. (I love that site.) And no, its NOT the rhythm method, in case anyone thinks so. We're pretty "careful." I have been working on getting some medical stuff done to figure out why I am so exhausted all the time. (See a previous post somewhere about this.) I always call it "chronic fatigue" because i don't know how else to describe it. Anyway. Because I am SO tired all the time, I have not been thinking about having another child, at LEAST until IF/WHEN we figured out why I'm so tired all.the.time AND had a fix for it. Also, we have no maternity health insurance. (Which means, a pregnancy/birth would not be eligible for health insurance coverage.) If you don't know, pregnancies/births are EX.PEN.SIVE. Even low risk/minimally intervened-with ones. So, all around, not on our "any time remotely soon" agenda.

Anyway. This was a weird charting month for me. I won't go into details here, in case I would gross anyone out. But...if you're a charting nerd like me, and want details, I'll be happy to explain it to you. But lets just say, we took precautions and on top of that, looking at my chart and knowing everything about the month would in no way make you think conception was really "possible." (Except the God factor.)

Hahaha. Ok...so...because of the weird month (sorry, this is so vague and will now become harder to explain from here), I wasn't entirely sure "where I was at" toward the end of my cycle. I knew kind of approximately, but not within a day like I normally do. So I took my waking temps a lot more than I normally do, to try to get a better indicator of when my cycle would be ending. Except...my waking body temperature spiked way higher than I had ever seen it go before. Two mornings in a row. And I wasn't entirely sure where I was at...but I knew I should be wrapping up my cycle....except my temps were freakishly high, I was going Triphasic, my overall length of cycle was longer than it ever had been for the past several months, and I was just sick of guessing when I should start my next cycle. And, Oliver had been acting really clingy and strange about nursing the last few days. Like, terrified, almost, to unlatch and get out of my lap. Bizarre. I know kids often cycle into days or weeks of differing behaviors, but this was one more thing that was just weird to me. (He might be able to sense a change in my milk.)

I really can't explain too well more than that why I decided to test. It was just a weird month, and I wanted to know what was up. Because I was sick of thinking about the "what if." So, when I went to CVS on Saturday for my weekly coupon run, I decided to get a pg. test. Except, the whole time I was in there doing the rest of my shopping, I went back and forth...do I buy one? Do I not buy one? Back. and. forth. It was the last item I picked up.

With Oliver, I used the "Answer" brand test, but this time, I bought a "First Response" test. Why did I change brands? (Like you care.) Well, for one, this one said on the box "test 6 days sooner" whereas the Answer brand said "test 5 days sooner." And because i wanted to QUIT THINKING ABOUT IT, I just wanted to rule out ANY possibility, and get an answer as soon as possible. And, the F.R. was a 3 pack, and the Answer was a 2 pack. And I weirdly thought, "if something like this ever happens again, I'll have a couple extra, instead of one extra." Really, that was the least explainable part of it. I don't know. Lol. Anyway.

So, I pay for all my stuff. And I feel really awkward, because I go into this CVS every week, and I'm like, great, the cashier is going to see me in here all the time and either think I'm pregnant or not pregnant (I don't know how to explain this, lol), and just be weird. Anyway. So, I paid for my stuff, put my shopping cart away at the front entrance, and circled back into the store. Lol. I was hoping the lady who rang me up didn't see me again, because FREAK! Coming back into the store after she just paid for her stuff. Lol. So, I go into the bathroom. Thankfully, a single stall. I take take the pregnancy test.

I have to back up for a minute.

So I told you about the brand I used for Oliver vs. the brand I tested with this time. Even though they look identical (they are pink dye, 1 or 2 line tests), apparently, they function a little differently.


I'm about to talk about pee, now, so if you need to stop reading, go ahead.








With the Answer brand, you pee on the absorbant stick, you see the pee soak up to the window, you see it touch the first line (which is the PREGNANT line), and the color appears IMMEDIATELY if you're pregnant. (So, with Oliver, I knew as soon as the pee hit that first line I was pg, before it even got to the CONTROL line (the one that shoes up whether you're pregnant or not) because it pinked up instantly. And then, as soon as the pee hit the CONTROL line, it pinks up immediately, too.

With this brand, the First Response, apparently, NEITHER line will pink up as soon as the pee hits it. Except, you don't know that until you're using it. hehe.

Ok, so I pee on the test. I'm sitting there, watching it. I see the pee hit the viewing window. Then I see the pee soak into the spot where the PREGNANT line should be. Nothing shows up. I breathe a sigh of relief. (Remember, I'm thinking the test will react the same way as the brand I used with Oliver.) The pee moves on. It soaks into the area the CONTROL line should be. Except the CONTROL line doesn't pink up, either.

Sweet fancy moses. I suddenly realize that I'm not out of the woods yet. I see pink in neither place, which means one or both are going to take time to pink up. These seconds feel like days. I know this all took less than 60 seconds. Or it couldn't have been much more than that, at all. So, when color starts to come into a pregnancy test, you just can't explain what its like unless you've watched one turn. You see something, but you're not sure what. Evaporation lines, maybe? Then, maybe color? Or is that just soaking into a line, and not actually color? Except then BOTH lines were DEFINITELY pink at the exact same time. And they just keep getting pinker. I keep watching as they turn Fuschia. I keep looking, thinking I'm seeing things. Or maybe they'll somehow turn un-pink. Lol. I don't know. Some part of me was like "I knew it." and Some part of me was like, "....WHAT? HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?"

So I stand up. I get my phone out of my purse. I have to call my person. I call Katherine. She doesn't answer. I decide there is no option but for her to pick up the phone, or I might go postal, so I call her again.

She answers this time.

Let me back up for a minute. Like, a week before, on facebook, I had "liked" a friend's sonogram photo, and it showed up in Katherine's newsfeed with my name associated with it. At first glance, before processing, she thinks its MY sonogram picture. So, she emails me a funny email about seeing what she saw and how she was freaking out, etc. So I told her, "Thats really funny. But trust me, you'd know WAYYYYYYYYYY before Facebook."

So...back to Katherine answering her phone. She sounds ....rushed or something. I say, "Are you OK?" She says yes, but shes getting ready to leave (I think.) I think I say something like "Ok, we'll I'm make this fast then......So...um....I made a mistake (meaning WHOOPSING on my "carefulness" or something) and....you know WAY before facebook."

She sits there for a minute and doesn't say anything. I wonder if she heard me, or if she gets the reference. And then she says, "....No...........No....."

And I'm like YES I'M TOTALLY NOT KIDDING.

so then I don't remember exactly everything after that. Except we establish that I'm the CVS bathroom, lol, I just tested, I haven't even flushed the toilet yet, so I flush the toilet so she can hear I really am in the CVS bathroom (LOL!) and I don't know what else. Oh, so I'm totally freaking out, and shes like "Everythings going to be fine." and I'm like "I DON'T EVEN HAVE MATERNITY COVERAGE." And shes like, "I've got some!" And I'm like "Oh, thanks, are you going to share it with me, lol?" I still have no idea what she was talking about. lol Anyway. We talk. I'm pacing the bathroom. I start to realize, maybe someone can hear me outside the bathroom. FREAK! Lol. And I've been in there kind of for a while. And the walls are closing in and I have to move. So we hang up.

As I open the bathroom door, I am hoping that no one is standing outside the door wondering what in the world is going on in there. Lol. Thankfully, no one was there, and I leave without anyone seeing me (I think).

I drive home to tell Andrew. I was supposed to go to Target first, and get Sbux for Andrew, and I thought about getting one of those "Big Brother" shirts for Oliver to put on him to "tell" andrew that way....but I determine I'm WAY too excited to wait, AND, Oliver is napping and I'd have to wait until he was up from his nap. So I call Andrew and tell him I don't feel like going to Target, but that I got him something instead of Starbucks. Heheh. Hes like, what is it? I'm like, its a surprise, but you're going to like it way better than Starbucks, I promise.

Anyway, so I get home, go upstairs to set my stuff down, come back downstairs with the test in my back pocket. Andrew is working at his desk, and I just hand him the pregnancy test, and hes like "You're pregnant?! WHY ARE YOU PREGNANT?"

LOL. Because he had NO. CLUE. that I thought this month was "weird" or that I might even possibly be pregnant. Anyway. So, the conversation went from there, he was SUPER excited and floored. I video taped the sound of me telling him, but that is for the private collection. Its pretty great. I'm glad we have it!





ETA: Even though I'm not entirely sure of dates, I feel pretty confident with July 8th being my 40 week guess date, once I went back and re-examined things.

I found out I was pg. on Sat. the 29th of Oct., at 3PM ish...at 13 DPO or 3 weeks and 6 days pg.

This world has nothing for me...and this world has everything...

I am kind of addicted to reading birth stories. Seriously. Its kind of out of control.

Also, I really like to give unsolicited advice. Lol. It is true. I mean, its not the unsolicited part that I actually *enjoy*.....(in fact, it sometimes kind of makes me cringe b/c I really don't want to come across as THAT girl, even though I probably am A. LOT.) ...its just...I'm all over sharing things with people, when it comes to a subject I'm really passionate about....you know...babies and stuff, for one. (ok, who am I kidding...for fifty.) Because I get really excited...and, when I believe in something I'm really happy to "spread the wealth."

Ugh. Such a lame-o blog post. Who writes this stuff?

This world is full of heartaches. I am thankful for all of my many blessings. The greatest of which is my Lord and Savior being my constant -- He will never leave me or forsake me, even in the midst of suffering or even death. If you don't know Him, I'll be glad to tell you about Him.

(P.S....this is NOT a cryptic message about me having a life-threatening illness or anything strange.)

HT: some old school Caedmon's Call

Parenthood: its a wild ride

Today I found out a dear friend is expecting her first baby. Also, I am slightly obsessed with the Hallmark Fresh Ink Cards (the square ones) that are funny. So tonight, I picked up the following card to send to her. (I'm also including what I'm writing in it - I'm sure you'll figure it out.)

(On the front, with a picture of a bull)

I'M THINKING ABOUT STARTING AN ADOPT-AN-EX-RODEO-BULL-AS-A-PET PROGRAM.

(Inside)

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?

Welcome to parenthood, which is pretty much exactly like this...but with more breastfeeding.

I'm pretty sure she'll think its hilarious. I do, of course. Is it just me (us?)

Full circle...kind of.

When I first moved to Jackson, I nannied for a toddler named Mary Ellis. She was ah. dor. uh. bull. Anyway, when we'd go to Target, she'd say and sign 'ball' at the red balls outside the front doors. Just about every time I've gone to Target since then, I think of it. Its fun that now I have a child that does the same thing.

I let Oliver try Pop-Rocks tonight, and he LOVES them. It is so funny to me, because I was scared to DEATH of the things until I was basically a teenager. Lol. (And no, candy is not a norm for Oliver.)

Around 3 years ago this week-ish, I got pregnant with Oliver. So, I've technically been a mom for 3 years, now.

I should blog

7 months? Really, Dena?

Andrew got the pastor job in KC. Its awesome to be back. We are blessed.

Oliver is 27 1/2 months old. Or, as Andrew told me today when he asked me how old he (Oliver) was, so he could write it on his growth chart when he measured him, "No." Ok, so excuse me, he is 2 years and 3 1/2 months old.

Where has the summer gone?

I coupon now. Its kind of consuming.

I'm going to see a an integrative-medicine specialist in a few weeks, here, that will hopefully find something wrong with me. You know, because, my whole life, (and you've seen it on my blog) I've been telling you that I'm insanely tired/sleepy/sickly, and you're always, "suck it up, Dena?" Yeah. I'm so over being tired/sleepy/sickly all the time. 28 years is plenty. And being a mom while constantly being those things - I'm so over it. (those other things..not the mom part.) I'm hopeful that we will figure out what it is, whether it is a food intolerance (gluten?), hormonal imbalance or something else, and that it will be FIXABLE. Cause, really, I am ready to be LIVING and not just SURVIVING. More than ready.

I'm really opinionated and passionate about the things I believe in. But really, if you're not, what is the point in having convictions, you know? I probably step on a lot of people's toes. But, I'm mostly ok with that. Unless I'm doing something that is truly un-Christian. But mostly, I think our culture does a really good job of just not speaking up about stuff because we might hurt someone's feelings or something. Which really isn't helping anyone. If you bring up a mommy issue (birth/breastfeeding, etc) issue or maybe even an issue about religion, I'm probably going to give you my opinion, whether you asked for it or not.

I am thankful for friends who listen and who are understanding.

I love Oliver. He is still nursing. (I used the word "still", I don't know why. It conveys a sense of "oh my stars. are you kidding me?!" that I don't intend.) Anyway, back to Oliver. He is in his terrible twos. Which I feel terrible even saying. But it is true. That kid is out of one thing and into sixteen. Or actually, hes still into one thing while hes getting into 32 others. It is amazing.

I am still amazed at people having toddlers and the like and having more babies (on purpose). Now, because I am a Christian and believe children are a blessing from the LORD, I am in a minority here. How can I be amazed when people do this and still believe that? I'm hoping its largely because I'm so exhausted and stressed (from the exhaustion, which compounds normal life hardships, I'm assuming) all the time, the thought of having more children really makes me feel like I'd lose my marbles.

I don't think I'm type A, but I am still always frazzled because I am always behind in things I need to be getting done. Does that mean I'm type A after all? Does type A really exist?

I like reading blogs. Mine is boring. Write me a comment to let me know you're out there. (Hi, katherine. marci? morgan? *crickets * )

Shutterfly-ing again!

Striking Damask Print Thank You 5x7 folded card

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Random Thoughts

You have no idea how many saved and unposted blog entries I have.

Songs and smells bring me back to specific memories/points in time throughout the years.

Tonight, at dinner, Paula Abdul's "Rush Rush" played, and all I could think of was being at Skate World during elementary school and hearing that play during Couple's Skate. How bizarre is that? I haven't thought of/heard that song in who knows how long, and I never consciously made that connection before. But apparently it is engrained in my memory somewhere.

To this day, when I smell Softsoap's classic scent (the clear liquid soap), I am right back at Trinity International University visiting Andrew at undergrad there when we dated, washing my hands in Mary and Laura's dorm room (which is who I stayed with there). That was more than 8 years ago. They had that soap, and that's all I ever think about when I wash my hands with that soap, now.

What are some of your smell/song connections?

Dena Recommends: Portable DVD player for long car rides with a child

Dena Recommends:
Portable DVD player for long car rides with a child

We recently had a long travel, and since those don't tend to go well with Oliver, I had a mini panic attack (not actually) a couple of days before we left and decided to use my Christmas money to order a portable DVD player for the car to see if that would keep Oliver entertained and keep the screaming to a minimum when all the other activity options ran out. I read a lot of reviews on Amazon and ended up with this one: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B001TCJI7E/ref=oss_product . I did overnight shipping (only 4 bucks) so we could get it in time to go. Now, we've only used it for several hours during the trip, but I have to say it seems like great quality at a great price. It has 2 earphone jacks, which I loved, but Oliver wasn't quite down with headphones, so we mostly used it without headphones. The sound was loud enough to hear over the road noises. Oh, and it comes with a car adapter, so you don't have to use the battery at all on the trip. The picture quality was great, and the sound quality was great, didn't sound tinny or anything. It sounded really well-balanced. It has a nice sized screen. Anyway, this wasn't supposed to be so much about the actual player we chose, but it was supposed to be about how I'm recommending that parents get one of these for such car rides. Totally worth the money, when and if you have it. It was a life saver. FOR REAL. I can't even imagine what the trip would have been like without it. We bought a soft-case holder for it with straps that attach it to the back of car seats, and it worked well. Actually, we jerry rigged it to attach to the back of one seat instead of hanging between both seats like its made to do, and it worked perfectly, too.

2010 Small Review

I feel like today is a day one is expected to blog. But as usual, I don't know what to say or where to start. So many things I should be doing. Like Quicken. And laundry. And making sense of messy piles of everything. Life beckons. But I'll attempt a post.

Overall, I'd say 2010 was the most difficult year of my life, for many many reasons. But even so, there may not have been any other year where God carried me (and my family) through so much. There is not another year where I remember seeing his Hand of Providence so clearly. He showed his unfailing faithfulness.

2010 started with knowing Andrew would be leaving his position as pastor in Tchula, MS with not even a small prospect of another job or a way to make ends meet. Still, that's really all I can write about it, but there are so many very difficult and trying details that tie in with that. So. Very. VERY. Many.

Then we needed to move out of the Tchula Presbyterian Church manse by the end of July. We were having an impossible time finding anywhere to live (for reasons of finances, lease times, etc), until at the very last moment, God opened something perfect up for us. It was more ideal than we could have even hoped for as a best case scenario. We were able to rent out the downstairs fully furnished apartment in an elderly couple's home for very little rent. We moved in at the end of July. The downside was we'd have to be out by the end of October, because they would be housing a missionary there, come November 1.

During the whole year, Andrew was feverishly searching for work. Ultimately, for another pastoring position in the Presbyterian Church of America (the denomination we're a part of). But for immediate times, he looked for anything. Fast food work, white collar, blue collar, staffing agencies, word-of-mouth, part-time work, full-time work, jobs he was grossly overqualified for, and jobs he was grossly under qualified for. He covered all the bases. In-person and by mail applications. Online searching and making phone calls to search. It was his full time job, looking for a job. And oh, the stress of that situation. For all three of us. Drain. ing.

And God still provided for our needs, all of them, even with no income. Even though we didn't have a "nest egg" saved up for such a situation. The bills still got paid. No one went hungry. We had a roof over our heads.

Toward the end of August, with still no hope of a job for Andrew, his parents made another offer/plea for us to just move up to Illinois, where he is from, to live with his family for a time to save pennies, and for Andrew to have consistent work for a while, helping his dad with harvest on their farm. We thought about it (again). Prayed about it. Thought some more, prayed some more. With STILL no job possibility in sight, and the knowledge that we'd have to move AGAIN in less than 2 months anyway, and the knowledge of the difficulty in finding a place to live considering lack of funds and not wanting to get roped into a long lease, we decided we were moving to Illinois, in with his parents.

Even though we could have stayed in the downstairs apartment through the end of October, we moved out mid-September, so we could get up to IL in time for harvest to begin. Melissa, Andrew's sister, flew down to help us move. That was wonderful. Moving is exhausting. Especially for me, I think, since I have major fatigue issues. As soon as we got to Illinois, my body crashed, and I was sick in bed for two days.

Immediately, it was so good to be near family...and to be back in the Midwest. We are so not Southerners. Although we were sad to part with a handful of dear friends in Mississippi.

Andrew got to work with his dad harvesting crops right away. It was good for him to have constant work again. Good for his mind and spirits. And we were also able to have a month and or two of income, again.

Its very difficult living with other people. The three of us are in one bedroom. Most of our things are in a storage unit, but we still have A. LOT. of stuff, and we've tried to cram it into such a small space. Melissa lives here, too, so its like three families under one roof, trying to coexist peacefully. Under the circumstances, I couldn't expect it to be going any smoother, but it still has its very real challenges, for all of us.

While living here, of course, Andrew has kept up the constant job hunt. Still, nothing has materialized, either for a pastoring job or any other type of work (except for the short time of farming with his dad). Still, God has provided for all of our needs, even with no monies coming in at this time.

We are hopeful that God will provide a pastoring job for Andrew in 2011. We've made a couple of great contacts lately for that, but there is nothing to report as of yet. Please keep us in your prayers.