I figure a post is seriously in order. I figure I can post right now without feeling too guilty since I am at Buddy and Frenchie's with nothing to do except do my nightly routine and sleep (which I should probably do now/soon since I have an early dr's appt tomorrow morning, hince why I am here).
Oliver will be 5 months old in a few days. WHAT?! Crazy. He weighs over 16 lbs, is nearly out of all of his 3-6 and 6 month clothes and we just put him in his first size 3 diaper today.
Family and friends who are reading this, I feel so sorry that our family updates are so few and far between, especially since this is primarily how most of you get a chance to catch up with us. I just really struggle with getting the daily grind done (I never do get caught up), so sitting down long enough to type everything out just isn't feasable.
About me: I continue to battle thrush and/or staff infections from nursing. They continue to get better, I think, but it has truly been like a two steps forward 1.9 steps back ordeal. I have done or am doing every treatment in the book, as far as I know, both with traditional meds RX and OTC as well as herbal/homeopathic, with the exception of eliminating all sugars/carbs (read: i could literally only eat meat and a few certain veggies) from my diet...which at this point, I'd rather just live with the pain. Very trying, emotionally as well as physically...and spiritually. I am thankful, though, that I am still able to nurse my baby. I would be devastated if I could not.
The hardest part of having a baby, for me, has been lack of sleep. Most people who know me know that I have always required more sleep than the average person. --Quite a lot more sleep than the average person, even, to function. I don't really know why this is, but its a real thing. I recently had my thyroid tested just to see if there were any issues there that would explain my lethargy/sleepiness, but it came back clear. The next step is to have a sleep study. I'm not sure that I can do one at this point, though, since I am nursing around the clock. I need to call the sleep study center and ask just to be sure, though. Anyway, obviously, the sleep issue is greatly exacerbated by having a baby...particularly since I am nursing and the weight of getting up with baby so he can eat falls 100% on me. I am happy to do it, I LOVE my child, etc, but it has been immensely difficult just to function. All principles finally went out the window about a month ago when I decided sleep was more important, and I've started just pulling Oliver into bed with us at some point during the night so that I can nurse him laying down and semi-snooze and then fall right back asleep. The not getting out of bed a million times/standing to change a diaper, etc, has greatly helped. I still don't get "enough" sleep at night, even for the average person, which means I don't get enough sleep especially for what I require, but it is certainly better than the up down up down up down 20 x charade. I can usually make it up once at night to nurse and lay him back down, but that is the peak of my coping level. After that, into the bed he comes. And the more I read about babies and sleep, the more OK I am with this, regardless of former principles. Please continue to pray for us when you think of it, that what rest I do get would be restful and revitilizing.
Another thing that has been harder than I had prepared myself for was all of the well-meaning advice. Everyone loves us and in caring for us wants to offer their bit of advice to help out. Of course, this often means not following the advice of great-intentioned loved ones. Listening to loved ones and then educating myself and then making final decisions for what works for us and standing my ground in it has been key. I find myself researching, researching, researching. This has been wonderful, although hard. I feel good about decisions that are made once I really look into things from difference perspectives. Which is a good thing.
I feel like I talk about the hard things a lot. That is only because those are the serious things I feel the need to be honest about. Everything light-hearted and wonderful doesn't take up nearly as much time to talk about. :) Its a little like the News - they usually report the bad. So let me tell you how much I love being a mother. -- I love it. This is 100% what I was cut out to do. It is true, I often find myself checking myself, thinking on my LORD to see if I pay Him as much mind and affection as I do my child. I dare not say the answer to that question. I hear this is a common thing for parents. So I will press on to re-order my priorities.
Oliver is such a joy. This week he started making "bbbbbmmmmbbbbmmm" sounds while "talking." Basically, buzzing his lips. This is a fun new sound for him. The first sound he started "talking" with was "Ohhhh...Ohhh....OOOOOHhhhh." He loves talking to walls and ceiling fans and the dresser and window blinds and the nursing pad boxes (with baby faces on them), in particular. In the last week or so, he has figured out how to pull down the dangling toy that hangs from the car seat handle. This is a feat, since it takes a bit of muscle (for him, I imagine) to pull hard enough to make the pully sysetm work, and then the toy goes rattling back up on its bungee. Oh, it gives him big thrills. For several weeks now, he has been pulling his paci out of his mouth, and trying to stick it back in his mouth. This keeps him entertained for a very long time. He'll get it all sorts of turned around. He is getting better at being successful, though. As soon as he gets it in his mouth, he pulls it right back out to keep doing it over and over. He'll keep at this, usually, until he gets mad because he can't consistantly get it put in his mouth correctly. And don't DARE try to help him, because that just makes him more mad! We have a little sinner on our hands! He started rolling over, both directions (in the same day) when he was about 4 months and 1 week old. He loves to smile and laugh. Oh, how I love his belly laughs. He is still a complete mama's boy. :)
I can't believe Oliver will be starting foods soon, in a month or so! Doesn't seem possible. We need to buy a high chair!
Well, he is making sounds in his sleep like hes about to wake up, so I better go for now!
Maybe next time I'll write about my last-minute trip back home to KC with Mom and Dad last month. :)
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3 comments:
You are such a sweet sweet Mama, and I am proud of you for sticking it out with the whole breastfeeding thing.. most people would have throwing in the towel after day three. Props to you on educating yourself and doing what is best for your family with regards to advice given. That is SO important, and a huge lesson learned in serving your family first and others second. What I mean by that is that I would follow peoples' advice simply because I did not want to hurt their feelings, but I learned that I was serving them instead of catering to the unique needs of my child and convictions of our family, if that makes any sense. Anyway, I am SO SO proud of you, and am thankful to know you, my Dena-bug. :)
I have to take my nursing little ones into bed with me too. I honestly don't know that my life would even be possible if I got up and sat in a chair every time baby needed to nurse all night long-it would be pointless to even try going to bed at all. I felt really bad about it when Amelia first went in our bed, but then I read some Dr Sears and realized it's actually not an unusual or dangerous idea. Moms have always done it, and it works! So I bought a side rail for our bed and shamelessly slept with Amelia from her first waking on, every night. Joel and I even found that we liked it. Just telling you that you are totally normal and there is nothing wrong with taking Oliver into your bed :). Once the kids actually arrived, all my ideas about how things would go went out and I just started to do what worked best.
Dena, I'm so sorry to hear you're still having thrush issues. I'm sure that contributes to your fatigue as well.
I know what you mean about getting up and down multiple times every night. We use a co-sleeper, right next to the bed. On the nights I can just pull Sam over and don't really have to get up for feeding, I feel like I've gotten so much more sleep than on the nights he requires more attention (like last night---up and down all night).
Hope your appointment was helpful and that they can figure out some way to get you more relief! I agree to that it is a great joy to be able to nurse your baby. I was devastated when my milk took so long to come in that I didn't think it was coming. I spent lots of time in tearful prayer, and thank the Lord now whenever I think of His graciousness in allowing me to nourish this little one from my own body for a little longer than 9 months.
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