My Lifes Yours, Love

I think about blogging all the time, but then I don't know really what to say.

We moved to Illinois, in with Andrew's parents. That has been going well. Andrew is still looking for a call to the pastorate in the PCA or possibly OPC. That is the long-term thing hes still looking for. In the meantime, since we've been here, hes been harvesting with his dad on the farm for work, and doing other farm work. Thats about to wrap up. On the agenda is to find any type of job in the Quad City Area to bring in some income in the interim of the pastor thing surfacing. Nothing has turned up yet on that front, either, but he'll have more time to commit to it once farm work is done for the season. Keep us in your prayers with that whole job/eventually moving out of his parents' house, etc situation.

I saw another doctor about my fatigue situation. (As in, just to give you the quick story, I need a ridiculous amount of sleep per day, and my rear end is dragging, 24/7. Simple tasks exhaust me. I get physically ill and crash and burn if I overexert (for me). I've been this way maybe my whole life, but at least since middle school or so.) It was nice, because she was the first doctor to probably take me very seriously and hear me. She actually mentioned the words 'chronic fatigue syndrome' which made me deliriously happy, because usually I'm the one thinking it or saying it, and when I do, the crazy bells in my head go off or people give me strange looks, or both. I even told her that. But. Anyway. She did more blood work and checked for several vitamin, etc deficiencies and also for a couple of viruses, but everything came back clear. The next thing to do is to have a sleep study. Which I knew she would say, because I've been told it before - last summer, actually. But I can't do that, because Oliver night nurses. And I can't take him with me. And leaving him home with Andrew all night to scream and not sleep and ME not sleep from being so worried about it doesn't = a good sleep study. But our health insurance runs out in November. So...I will not be having a sleep study. I was told if the results of that came back normal, I'd be referred to a specialist that deals with stuff like chronic fatigue syndrome. Anyway. So ...no sleep study for me, and no specialist to check into CFS, etc. So away I trudge, some more, being fatigued all the time with no explanation for it. I'm kind of depressed (not clinically) about it. But I hate not feeling normal and not having at least an explanation, if not a fix, for it. My inside desire for more activity and energy does not at all match my physical ability. Its really a horrible feeling. Not to mention already never feeling great because I'm so tired all the time. At the end of the day, like now, when Oliver is finally asleep, I have to stay up for an hour or two in order to wind down, because that is the only free time (not actually free, just not maintaining a toddler) I have to myself all day, and I need that, too, in order to function.

I know most people don't feel this way. And I know not every child is as high need as Oliver. But its still hard for me to wrap my mind around my friends having babies so close together lately. Or being asked when we're having another one. I feel like I just gave birth, still. Oliver is 17 1/2 months old. I haven't caught up on sleep or energy even a little bit, people! Ok. Maybe a LITTLE BIT. But not anything significant. :) No two people or situations are ever the same. Its not fair or accurate to compare, is it?

Thanks to Kat for hearing me say most of what I just typed, on the phone the other night. :)

PS - Being a mom is the best job in the world. Have I mentioned that?


"Hush now.... don't explain...there ain't nothin' to gain..." ~ A la Damien Rice/Herbie Hancock, (because that's what I'm listening to). HT for the blog entry title, too.